


Tired

by space-volcano (sagittarian_space_volcan0)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Lost Love, M/M, Moving On, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sagittarian_space_volcan0/pseuds/space-volcano
Summary: Sam and Bucky have each other. But Bucky can't stop thinking about Steve.





	Tired

**Author's Note:**

> MASSIVE spoilers for Avengers: Endgame! You've been warned!

Bucky hated himself for it, but as Sam ran kisses up and down his neck, all he could think about was Steve.

Steve. Someone he’d known a thousand years ago. Who'd stepped onto that launch pad 2 years ago and disappeared.

He'd pulled him from the river even when his mind wasn't all there. But the man they'd found sitting by the lake was a stranger. A Steve Rogers he didn't recognise, covered in wrinkles and memories they didn't share. It was a different scrawny dweeb from Brooklyn he'd promised to be with to the end of the line. The man who handed Sam that shield had derailed from his life a long time ago.

Sam was kissing under his ear now, in the sweet spot where the jaw meets the ear lobe, one hand exploring the small of Bucky’s back and the other running through his hair, his hard fingertips pressing against his scalp. Bucky could feel his own lonely hand feeling at Sam's shoulder blades, but his mind was still somewhere else.

The end of the line. Bullshit. Steve had swerved off the track like a runaway minecart and all Bucky got was a hug, a smile and a glance in his general direction.

How was he supposed to live with the knowledge? While he'd spent 70 years with Hydra, Steve, his best friend, had spent 70 with Peggy. He shook, as he processed the idea that while Hydra had been tearing him to shreds and putting him back together again, Steve, of all people, had been on cloud nine nailing that red lipped British broad.

Bucky’s eyes were wide open as he buried himself into Sam's neck. Sam smelt mostly of aftershave but Bucky could also smell the vague tang of cold carbon steel. Bucky shivered, but his heart kept burning. His pressed himself against Sam firmly as his brain didn't stop with Steve.

They'd been married. Who was the best man? Who'd embarrassed him at the wedding with stories about the Cyclone and army recruitment? They'd spent a lifetime together, had kids, grown old. Had Steve ever told his kids about their uncle Buck? Had his name even passed Steve's lips in all that time?

He'd been stuck as an icicle, thawed out whenever necessary to maim and kill, while Steve Rogers had been going down on Peggy Carter. 

“Bucky?”

Oh, he'd intervene for Peggy, sure. He'd stroll in and screw with her timeline and as much as he wanted, but for him?

“Bucky?!”

No, apparently he was content to live through the 20th century knowing his best friend was on his own. Rotting in a freezer with the rest of the meat!

“Bucky what the hell is wrong?!”

With a hitched breath, Bucky found himself thrown back to reality, and suddenly he became all too aware that Sam was looking straight at him with his deep brown eyes, his face twisted with concern. Sam was grasping him gently, one arm on his tense upper arm and the other on the side of his ribcage, holding him steady but holding him tight.

Then Bucky became aware of the wetness on his own face. The tightness of his throat, the sting in his eyes. What had he been blabbing for the past minute? What had passed out of his lips while his mind was elsewhere? Whatever it was, even if it was just sobs, Sam was looking at him with a look that sat between concern and horror.

Bucky felt Sam's touch against his bare skin, tough and hard but gentle and cautious. He felt Sam's concern even if he felt none of his own. Sam knew something had flared up in his mind again. The gravity of the situation crushed him like a boulder, and suddenly Bucky began to openly sob.

His chest buckled heavily as Sam pulled him in close and held him tight, trapping him between his arms, one hand supporting his head, cheek to cheek, shushing him and swaying their two bodies back and forth slowly. Bucky could feel his tears running onto Sam's neck and trickling down his back, but Sam didn't even flinch. He hitched violently as 70 years of pain flowed out of him, and Sam sat there and soaked it up with him.

God, he hadn't even considered for a second how Sam might feel. He wasn't the only one who'd lost a friend.

And yet, Sam was the one who'd inherited the shield. The one Steve had smiled at glowingly as he unzipped that weathered brown bag.

Why was he jealous? Bucky was no Captain America, he knew himself well enough, or rather, he'd relearnt enough to know that was something he could never want. That shield was too heavy. And he couldn't forget the times a decade or so ago when he'd been the one hitting Steve with it.

Eleven years. Had it really been that long? Bucky’s knowledge of the five year gap was just as chewed up as everyone else's, but regardless, it felt like only a second ago when he'd seen Steve on that highway.

Yet Bucky was used to long spans of time he'd spent out of action, and knowledge of those times he’d had to make up for with what other people told him.

Steve had been the same. In many cases Steve had known less than he did. That was one of the million ways in which they'd cooperated. Not only were they from the same era, but they were both adjusting together, keeping pace with each other.

The Steve by the lake hadn't needed to adjust. He'd had all that time with Bucky, and now as a bonus he'd lived through many of those 20th century moments himself, those moments they'd learnt about together.

He sighed into Sam's shoulder, who held him tighter at the sensation. Bucky's arm fell away from Sam's back.

Finally he mumbled “I'm tired”.

Sam sighed, and said “I'm tired too”.

Sam and Bucky had never gelled before. There had always been animosity between them, for whatever stupid reason. But now, they were together, holding each other close in the wake of Steve Rogers.

Sam pulled away from Bucky and smiled at him. It was a tired smile. Patient, kind, but bittersweet. A smile that said I love you but I don't know you. A smile that could never truly understand but was always prepared to listen.

And Bucky smiled back. He felt his sore, aching face twist into a smile as he looked at Sam and the kindness he was offering him. He was so open despite everything Bucky had done as either James Barnes or the Winter Soldier.

Steve may have known him in the past, but he was gone. He'd made a choice, even if it was a selfish one. But Bucky could not fan the flames in his heart forever. Steve had known him then, but Sam knew him now. And Sam may not understand him all the time, but he was always prepared to listen.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you made it this far, thank you!  
> This is my first fic that I've uploaded on Ao3 (But I'm definitely not new to either Ao3 or fanfiction in general lmaooo) and also my first Sambucky fic! If you liked it, feel free to leave me a comment or some kudos! (ew I sound like a youtuber lol)  
> If you're anything like me you're probably a little emotionally compromised by Endgame ESPECIALLY in regards to Stucky. Oops! Looks like I have, literally and figuratively, jumped ships! The Russos said Sambucky rights! Anyway I am so fucking mad.  
> But nevermind! Because as Stucky dies, like the Phoenix of old lore, Sambucky rises from the ashes. I mean, we're getting a tv show soon (which I d e f i n i t e l y won't pirate).  
> Anyway thank you for reading! I have quite a lot of thoughts about this dynamic so if this gets a decent reaction I may write more (I'll probably write more even if I don't)  
> Eyelism! 💖


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